


speculation

by gotham_ruaidh



Series: Gotham Writes for Imagine Claire & Jamie [144]
Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:08:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24745102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotham_ruaidh/pseuds/gotham_ruaidh
Summary: “What would you have done, had I gone back, that first time you took me to the stones?”
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Series: Gotham Writes for Imagine Claire & Jamie [144]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/345047
Comments: 7
Kudos: 97





	speculation

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted at [Imagine Claire & Jamie](https://imagineclaireandjamie.tumblr.com/post/621005394472583168/claire-falls-in-love-with-priest-jamie) on tumblr

When she spoke, safe in the darkness of the lean-to he had built for her, only the rumble of her voice against his chest proved that he wasn’t dreaming.

“What would you have done, had I gone back, that first time you took me to the stones?”

His fingertips slowed in tracing lazy shapes against her bare shoulder. “After Cranesmuir?”

She nodded. “When I was…away, I often thought about that. I know what my life would have been like - because that’s what I came back to, when you brought me to the stones the second time. But what would you have done?”

He sighed. Listened to the hammering outside - Ian pounding into place the boards framing what would soon be their cabin. 

“I dinna ken if I would have ever gone back to Lallybroch.”

She nuzzled against his neck. “Why? I doubt you would have gone back to Leoch.”

“Aye, that’s true. I - I wouldna have felt any purpose in my life, Claire. I had been alone, for so long - I had no ties to the world. And wi’ you in my life, I had started feeling those ties again. Ties to you. And by extension, finding the ties to my family that I had broken when Father died.”

“I know what you mean,” she said softly. “About ties.”

“I ken ye do. I only went back to Lallybroch because ye gave me the courage and confidence to do so. I ken what it is to no’ have ye in my life. But had ye gone at that time, before we even started to understand what it means to have a life together…”

Gently he sat up, crossing his legs beneath the quilt, scrubbing his face with his hands. Distressed, Claire sat up beside him, quietly gathered him against her shoulder. Held him. Shielded him from memories.

“I would have missed ye something fierce, Sassenach. But I do think it would have been easier for me to live, even as half of a man.” He kissed her shoulder. “For I would have lost you - but not our bairns. Not the time we spent at Lallybroch, or in France, or on the road with the army.” 

He sighed, and she softly traced the scars on his back.

“Perhaps I would have returned to my uncle Alexander. The abbott.”

“To become a monk?” she asked, incredulous. “Away from the world?”

“To spend time away, in a place I knew. To work wi’ my hands, to live in the presence of God. To have Him help me understand where my life had gone.” He sat up a bit straighter, meeting her gaze. “It’s no’ a bad idea, Claire. My life would have meant something.”

She cupped his cheek. “I can’t picture you living there forever.”

He turned his face to kiss her ring. “Forever is a long time. Maybe I would have become a priest, after my time at the abbey.”

“You’d renounce all chances of having a family of your own? I know that’s so important to you - that’s why you took up with Laoghaire.”

“But at that time in my life, I only kent that in the abstract sense. I wouldnae have had any…any real experience wi’ it.” He swallowed. “When you went back, I did. And wi’ Laoghaire, I wanted to have that again. But in that October, when I took you to the stones, I did not.”

She stroked his cheek. “I’m glad you didn’t become a priest. Would have been very complicated if I had returned.”

He snorted. And smiled, very faintly. “I think God would have understood. I did say to ye once, a very long time ago, that I understood why marriage is a sacrament.”

In three seconds she had slid onto his lap, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and seized his mouth in a kiss.

He tore away, gasping. “And I still feel like God himself - ”

She found his mouth again, kissing his smile.


End file.
